Parenthood - Amélie and Nolan

Credits:  Photographer: Sach ID |  Writer: Claudia Rwigamba 

Parenthood - the state of being a parent and the responsibilities involved.

Throughout this series, we've seen parents from all walks of life talk about the ride that is parenthood. We've noticed how much our experiences mold us as people but also play a substantial role in who we become as parents. Now it's become apparent that we see a new wave of parenting! Our last family in the Parenthood series is the multidisciplinary does-it-all woman, Amélie and her son Nolan. There's no shortage of knowledge she has to share, so we talked a lot! Notably her unorthodox parenting style and her journey through motherhood. The parenthood series highlights the parental and intergenerational relations within families.

Did you always know you were going to raise your kids differently?

I think there were concepts I aligned with as a child. I grew up in a Caribbean household where when I did something wrong, beatings were the go-to instead of discussion. I always rebelled against it because I wanted to know what I did wrong and be able to explain myself. I realized early that my parents had their perspective of who I am, what makes me a well-behaved daughter and what made me a "good" person. Truthfully, all I wanted was to express myself, so I decided that when I had kids of my own, they would be able to express themselves. I'm not raising a sheep; I'm raising a person who should be able to think freely. They won't always have to agree with me, and that's okay! When things happen, and we need to talk about them, we sit down and have a real conversation. If they do something wrong, I can understand what brought them to make such a decision, and we can go over how to avoid this the next time.

As a result, I always looked at them as individuals because communication is vital to me and understanding my kids is a priority. I have gotten attached to their personalities, and I treat them the way they respond best. My wish is that they become independent, intelligent and self-aware adults! And that starts young.

What is something you instilled in your son at a young age?

He can never disappoint me. Simply because he is enough for me, and I know him. I know what he can do and will get what's meant for him. Also, to understand his importance in the cycle and be aware of the kind of energy he pours into this world because the consequences can last through generations. He will have so much time to enjoy life, but while he can, I want him to take the time to understand who he is. Not to build himself based on societal constructs but out of who he truly is. It's not easy to create a person, the next generation. You can give your whole heart to it, but there's incertitude in what you're doing. From genetics to the environment to the culture to the entourage to time and place, so many factors come into play in the making of a person. I've tried my best to teach him things the world would never want him to master, how to build confidence from within. And I also trust him! That goes a long way.

In what ways did you feel it was different raising your son versus your daughters?

Yeah, different but not simpler. Raising my daughters is scary, whether I want to admit it or not. I'm scared because she can be prey to many things, mainly men. I could've taken my son's upbringing very lightly, but I realized he could become the man I'm trying to keep away from my daughters. The idea that raising a boy versus raising a girl is easier is false. It's just as hard when you try to counter everything society is teaching him as is. I've observed that there aren't that many chances of redemption for black men versus women. There aren't many people willing to save, protect, or give him a second chance versus my girls. Society will ensure his mistakes are detrimental before he has an opportunity to make any. So I am still scared. I'm scared when he comes home late or leaves basketball practice. I'm scared Nolan could be targeted as something other than a teenager and could be faced early with stereotypes while he's in the making of himself. The world is hell-bent on making him toxic, so although they don't hold the same worries, raising my son is a different type of challenge!

Do you feel like there are things you constantly have to fight to nurture his confidence?

Yes! Toxic masculinity! I did not want to bring someone into this world that is in constant search of sexual pleasures only to fulfill this role. We discuss what's okay to do and what isn't, when to ask and when to stop. To not let other men have power or a say in his masculinity. Even women, for that matter! We've all heard, "If you don't do this, you're not a real man." I specifically stay away from that kind of mindset because I want him to take the time to figure out who he is. To understand that being able to stand your ground and make your own decisions is what makes you a "real man" not other people's perceptions of you. Since the beginning of time, we've been teaching young boys that what's expected of them must often be at the expense of women or themselves. When in reality, that's not true. I wanted to change that standard for my son, so I nurtured his confidence by teaching him ways to become a better version of himself.

While Nolan was enjoying his moment of fame in front of the camera, their complicity was undeniable! Raising a black teenage boy has challenges in today's climate. However, it's beautiful to see and know that he has a mother in his corner, rooting for him in a way the rest of the world will not. Amélie is a reminder that speaking life into your kids early on and challenging societal conventions creates a foundation for healthy adults that propel change.