Parenthood - Neldy, Knox & Norah

Credits:  Photographer: Sach ID |  Writer: Claudia Rwigamba 

Parenthood - the state of being a parent and the responsibilities involved.

Picture this: A lived-in home in the city, toys sparingly around the yard with a puppy towering over the kids; it's like looking at the modern-day Montreal family. On top of being a multidisciplinary artist, you can tell Neldy is in his element when entering dad mode. Father of polar opposites Norah and Knox, he isn't new to fatherhood; he seems to have embraced it in full strides. As we bargained for more shots to take with the kids, it's interesting to witness the ease with which he can tailor himself to his kids. We took advantage of the sunny day to discuss in depth his own fatherhood journey. The parenthood series highlights the parental and intergenerational relations within families.

What do you think it means to be a cool parent?

Truthfully, there's no such thing as a cool dad. There's only a dad that's there, that's responsible, and that looks over his kids. If being cool is being involved, sharing parts of myself and accepting my kids for who they are, I guess I'm a cool parent. To me, that's just being a parent.

What does parenthood mean to you today? Do you think parenthood has changed with time?

Parenthood is about making your kids your main priority, meaning it doesn't matter what you have to do; you just do it! That means figuring out their needs, adapting to them, catering to their wants, etc. As for parenthood, nothing changes. The premise is always the same; your responsibility is to ensure they are safe, fed, clothed and happy. By bringing them into the world, you signed up for that. Whether it's now or 50 years ago, it doesn't matter.

How does your parenting style differ from the way you were raised?

Oh, very different! I was raised in a single-parent household where we weren't as open regarding communication and emotions. Now being a parent myself, I understand that my mother was in survival mode. You go to work, you feed the kids, but there was no "mom, I don't feel great today, mom I might be depressed, mom I feel anxious" no such thing. However, I talk about everything with my kids because I want to know everything. How do you think and feel? How was your day? What makes you tick? What makes you think the way you do? That way, I know my kids, and I can evolve with them to become the father they need me to be. That's something I didn't grow up with. 

Being seen as individuals and not just an extension of your parents is often something we have to unpack later in life. Yes, I am their dad, but I speak to Knox and Norah as people, not just children. With that in mind, even in my parenting style, it depends on who I'm talking to. My son thinks a certain way and my daughter another, which means I can't approach them the same.  

While I'm reversing it for myself now, if I can equip them with the tools to develop their emotional intelligence young, they'll be able to process, understand and navigate the world a little better. There's no way I could do that with my mom or any adult I knew growing up. It just wasn't a thing!

Is there anything you wished you knew before entering fatherhood? 

I mean, can you really prepare? It's like reading an adventure book and then going on the adventure yourself. No matter what they would've told me until you go through it, you don't know. Motherhood is a different beast that I can't even begin to imagine, but fatherhood is definitely an experience itself. You also think you'll be different, but no, you're going through the same hardships as other parents.

At the end of the day, this is a lifetime job. There's no clock-in or clock-out. Things are constantly changing, and you're not always going to be the best at it. You'll make many mistakes that you'll learn from and, in hopes, make you a better parent to your kid. Most importantly, trust your partner. They are your only teammate on this journey! 

A pillar in the house, there's no denying the level of trust between them; they can count on dad to be there. We know it takes a lot more than being present but he seems to have cracked one of the parenting codes: just be the parent your kid needs now.