Love is a choice
During our last conversation, we explored the concept of love using the book All About Love by bell hooks. If you haven't read it, it presents a rethinking of self-love and asserts love as the solution to end struggles between individuals, communities and society. Going between the cultural and personal, hooks shows us how love has the power to heal our wounds as it is the foundation of compassion, forgiveness and overcoming shame. We chose this book because it challenges our thoughts on love individually and as a society. Also, it's simply an excellent book.
Before beginning any conversation, we need to set our intentions and share our why:
“All about love makes you question your relationship with yourself, others and your community. I like to say I like people, but also I don’t because it’s more than a feeling to me. In my experience, I choose who I give the ingredients of love bell hooks described: “For hooks, the transformative power of loving, which is a brew of care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, as well as open and honest communication.””
“The first chapters of All About Love made me realize how the absence of love can significantly impact the man you become. The words “I love you” were not shared by my parents or siblings, and I learned that emotional unavailability was the only way I could survive in this world. In hindsight, my perception of love was severely influenced by my environment, traumas and what I was consuming, but none of these taught me its power. ”
What stood out the most is that we all have our own way of defining love. What it means to us, how we perceive it, receive it, spread it, and on. There is no universal meaning and although it isn't taboo, it's not something we discuss in-depth, yet it is an essential part of our survival.
“I don’t recall ever having a conversation on the subject openly. It fed my will to connect with like-spirited individuals & really value each individual perspective; it made me feel the value of our presence and warmed me to the greatness of seeing everybody interact with the subject.”
“I’m not used to talking about subjects like this between friends. It was nice to hear others’ perspectives; you learn things that maybe you knew, but with a different outlook, you have the opportunity to analyze them more profoundly. ”
The beauty of these conversations is that we hear different takes and find a sense of belonging with people who aren't part of our day-to-day life. bell hooks remind us that love doesn't always equate to romance. Finding love in yourself is the beginning of extending meaningful love to others. This goes for all types of relationships in your life.
"The word "love" is most often defined as a noun, yet...we would all love better if we used it as a verb."
“I could relate to the women in the sisterhood, especially the big sisters. The ones who are less trusting. It’s important to talk about these things outside of romance; it can change how you give and your willingness to receive. ”
“It was essential to talk about love to my brotherhood because now I see love as a vital element in my healing journey. I feel like I won’t be able to achieve well-being and be successful in life until I allow myself to let go of my past and surrender to love. ”
In the end, this conversation was to start the dialogue of accepting love as a core principle in our life. We can benefit from sharing more of it correctly and honestly. We can acknowledge that we are falling short and can do better. hooks said it best: love is a choice. It is the will to nurture our own, and another's spiritual growth. If we can choose to love actively, we can begin to heal and move forward collectively.
Thank you to Matéina for keeping the energy flowing during this conversation.
